What I Want vs. What God Wants

I often times find myself thinking about what I want or what I think that I need. As I've been thinking these things I've been reminded that it's not about me. If I sat down and made a list of the things that I want and/or need, it would look something like this...

• A job
• A bigger apartment or a house
• To live close to my family and friends
• To start a family of our own
• To lose weight so that I can look and feel better

... and the list would go on and on. But I've realized that it's not about me, it's about God. I'm reminded that God has promised to supply all of my needs not all of my wants. Even though it's so hard to remember this and to cling to this, it's something that I need to do.

To be honest with you, I've been discouraged and sad lately. I graduated a month ago and had an interview for a job which I thought was perfect for me and felt confident that I would get it. It turns out that I didn't get it. I know that this was God's plan, but I was discouraged that it didn't work out. Since then I've been looking for a job without a whole lot of luck. I found out today that to substitute in the public schools I need to have my state certification in my hands. I don't have that yet - it's still being processed. Because of that I can't sub yet. Yet again I find myself discouraged, but I'm being reminded that it's not about what I want - it's about what God wants. In his timing He'll provide the perfect job for me.

Since I've been sitting around the house because of my lack of employment, I've also found myself having a pity party that our apartment "isn't big enough" and "there's not enough space to store things" and just wishing we could live in a different place. I haven't been sitting here thanking God for providing us with a place to live that is warm and gives us a roof over our heads. Again, I've been focusing on what I want instead of what He wants.

I can continue to elaborate on my list of things that I want and how they've been on my heart and mind lately, but I won't. Instead I'll try to begin looking more at the things that God wants instead of the things that I want. It's a hard thing to do, but it's something that I need to continue working on. Afterall, my existence isn't about me, it's all about Him!

- Jenn